Skip to main content

Prisoner of her own device

And here I am finally.
A prisoner of true randomness. Like Sheldon from big bang theory , I can't take any decisions for myself. The dice dictates my fate. What started as a simple strategy to avoid boredom has become a single minded obsession leading to inevitable destruction of routine and order. If I get 2 , economics is studied. If 4 is the luck number , I blog. And hence I blog now . SAVE ME.
It is not funny anymore! My own ocd ridden brain is deceiving me. Oh stupid brain , I haven't slept in 2 days. For the number 18 hasn't come yet, how do you expect me to sleep when i don't have the darn NUMBER? And I can't even call for help because, it is number 87. www.random.org is truly random :(
Ran Dumb :'(

No , save me! I am ... no, I WAS her stomach. Now I'm just an acid infested and chemical eaten hollow sac. Her brain is not to blame. It kept showing her sensible danger signals. However , that horrible , impulsive heart of her's has no brains (what an irony) . It kept beating for that black liquid which doesn't even deserve to be poured on toilet seats. Maybe if you could add a number which says 'stop drinking coke' inside her chit bag , it could offer me a chance for redemption. A chance for my enzymes to break down food again , a chance to not burp or grunt every ten minutes in agony. SAVE ME.

Ah sir , I see you spoke to the stomach. Forget it , Please look at me - the eye. I was labelled inefficient when I was just 10 years old. Just because SHE wanted to read Harry potter in the dark. Of course no one is saying no to Harry but the darkness is sheer stupidity. Every time the light is turned on , she turns the other side. Stupid kids they produce nowadays >.<
To make matters worse she is a teen now. And I am forced to indulge in movie marathons and Grey's anatomy marathons. My already bespectacled frame can't endure the undue stress and of course all the 'feels' and the inevitable tears. So sir , could you please ask Rowling to write more and Shonda Rhimes to kill less?. And ask that young guy Jefferey Archer to stop ending his darn books in cliffhangers? And not release his next book after ONE year? :/ SavE ME!!
I could ask you to write a chit saying 'don't read' , but that is an endeavor which will end in futility .

Please ask Calzona to unite though. That would save the entire grey's fandom. And save George Weasley - it would save the entire world :)

Hey . Save me from my own organs , which rant on me to strangers ( no offense :P), like a grandmom. The stupid brain who is insistent on being fixated to specific ideas, the stomach which cannot digest the food I love , the eye which loves what it sees yet trying to close herself when it gets a little bit too hard to take. Just give me the power too make them understand the spirit which guides - the need of living life to the fullest , through ever pore of my sunburnt skin. Don't save me but help me save me , by telling its not wrong to be stupid. It is not wrong for doing what you love , as long as it doesn't affect anyone else.

Stranger : But hey , aren't you killing yourself slowly in the process?

Lol we all kill ourselves daily by just  breathing longer. One should greet death as an old friend , mortality is inevitable. If it stops you from living your life the way you want , why bother my friend?

S : Loser. you were the one asking me to save you!(aren't you the sum of your organs?) Don't you think addiction to anything is simply miserable?

It is never simple sir. We start doing something because we love doing it  and get stuck in another form of intense routine known as addiction. We still love what we're doing but we slowly start to fear it and finally regret it , as it eats into another parts of our lives.

S: So?

Save me! But don't save me. Listen to my organs , if you want to save my life . Listen to me , if you want to save my spirit :)

S: Listen Ms.Paul Coelho , You need a life to engage your spirit with. So I am sending you to rehab. 

Comments

  1. Liked reading this! Your writing communicates! It flows, it gets more exciting by the blog.
    But not getting a clear sense of you in all this. Are you Sam, Semi, stranger, organs or the save me?
    Also not clear what Coke's got to do with the spirit that guides, or need to live life to the fullest? Unless you're hinting at an old ad of theirs?

    Would also be interested in understanding what ideas a very bright brain can get fixated to. You don't mention!

    And from an 'old'[in age] reader of yr blog and breather of long breaths - we don't kill ourselves daily by just breathing longer...we live that one moment more...and believe me, it's worth it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. akka! I saw your comment now only. Firstly ,Thank you for regularly commenting at my irregular posts :P
      And to be honest Idk what or who i am exactly right now. Just searching through the post :) I never planned this post , so it is a more like a stream of consciousness hoping to make sense. Coke is just a metaphor of things we love but know is too danger for regular use/abuse. And by spirit i just meant happiness , nothing too deep :P
      And by killing ourselves i just meant that we're anyways gonna die , no reason to fear the unavoidable.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Would love some validation or better ... Some criticism!

Trending posts

ek gaon mein ek kisan raghu thatha! :P

It's been a week in Pune already!! :O
and believe it or not  - I have fallen in love with this city! <3
or maybe it is just another one of my defense mechanisms , protecting me from shocks. Whatever this is , it has aroused me enough, to write a post! So let me finish this before reality sinks in .
( Side note :

  Defense mechanisms are pretty intriguing . Do you know that I haven't cried a single tear drop yet? My friends think it is some kind of sacrilegious blasphemy from my  part. But hey! If pessimists argue that I have effectively ended one life , I argue back that I have just started a new one :) I do miss chennai . However , I am not going to go gaga over it. Okay I just did . )
I haven't had much chance to discover the city in its entirety yet. But , from whatever I have seen - it is fresh , green , pleasant and mindnumbingly beautiful :')

So here it is . The elusive list of things I have noticed about Pune and my new life in general :

1) I was never a nat…

The Girl who cried wolf

The Girl who cried wolf
Splendid Sir Do you know the girl who cried wolf? Of course you do Do you believe her torrid tales of The Big Bad wolves Who feast on her soul every day? Probably you do. We do know that one bad animal doesn’t define a species Do you? #Notallwolves We get it sir Can we get on with it?
Your fragile ego Calls her a Nazi And disses her into a ditch Of silent suffering Like the good old days When girls were good Like little red riding hood
You forgot the moral of the story didn’t you?

8

Hi readers! Thanks for sticking around even when I don't write for months. I was having a writer's block of sorts and generally a rough phase in my life. The poem I'm publishing below is a very personal one and took a great deal of bravery from my side to be even posted. Many friends dissuaded me from sharing this particular chapter of my life. I have written on what it is like, to feel like a failure even when you know that you aren't one. It might seem like a small problem to most of you but I assure you that it has taken its toll on my life. However , I've recovered enough to talk about it now and share it with others , for I know that I'm not alone and want others to not feel alone too. This post does not intend to be negative , it just captures one of the darker phases of my life. There is always light at the end of the tunnel , I just chose to project the darkness this time. Thank you. 
People who get 98 start behaving like a 98 The poor ones who get an 8 …